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12-Jun-2018 17:31

My mother took me to a totally uninformed doctor, who said he had never come across the phenomena, would consult other doctors and we should return in two weeks time.

On our return, he said I must have surgery, which my mother flatly refused, saying I could make up my own mind when I turned 18 if that was what I really wanted.

She would wake at 5am and shower before anybody else was awake. “Life became unbearable and after a year I had to move into a flat of my own,” she admits.

Nthabiseng dated boys at Varsity, but only on one occasion allowed a boy to have sex with her in pitch darkness.

Surgery is not a magic pill that has no consequences.

One cannot be told to become a boy or a girl and have surgery to make them so. Nthabiseng is now engaged to a woman with whom she has had a long term relationship.

I subsequently began dating women, feeling more comfortable as a lesbian”.Nthabiseng Mokoena (25) knew from a tender age that she was different.Her mother would tell her never to dress in front of others, saying, “Nthabi, you are very special, but you are not the same as the other little girls.” When she was old enough Nthabiseng understood that she was one of an estimated 2 million South Africans born with an intersex condition- neither clearly a male nor female, but with ambiguous genitalia.She says, “At that stage I hated my mother for not allowing surgery on me as a baby.“I couldn’t afford private medical care and whenever I went to a Government hospital and explained I was intersex the doctors were shocked.

I subsequently began dating women, feeling more comfortable as a lesbian”.

Nthabiseng Mokoena (25) knew from a tender age that she was different.

Her mother would tell her never to dress in front of others, saying, “Nthabi, you are very special, but you are not the same as the other little girls.” When she was old enough Nthabiseng understood that she was one of an estimated 2 million South Africans born with an intersex condition- neither clearly a male nor female, but with ambiguous genitalia.

She says, “At that stage I hated my mother for not allowing surgery on me as a baby.

“I couldn’t afford private medical care and whenever I went to a Government hospital and explained I was intersex the doctors were shocked.

It was also the first time my mother told my father that I was an intersex child.